The Fake Wedding Ring

Now, I love to get dressed up. I mean, I really, REALLY love to get dressed up. I love wearing pencil skirts! And heels! And curling my hair so it bounces like Look! At! Me! every time I walk down the hallway at work.


BUT FRIDAYS.


At my job, we're off every other Friday, which means on Fridays I'm basically just a girl who happens to be twenty five and single, and who happens to go to Home Depot. A lot. And although I would dearly love to get dressed up every time I go to Home Depot....sometimes I am in a hurry and I don't even look mildly presentable. Who doesn't spend thirty seconds putting on mascara before they walk into Home Depot?


Ummm, this girl.
So.
Enter the fake wedding ring.


Yes, people. I bought a fake wedding ring on eBay (my account is private, in case any of my exes stalk me on eBay and are like, "I wonder what weird purchases Jane is making this week?") and I probably paid too much for it, but it's silverish, and has cubic zirconium, and it is the perfect fake wedding ring. It looks fancy without saying THIS IS A FAKE WEDDING RING, and it looks subdued without saying I MARRIED A MILLIONAIRE WHO WOULD OBVIOUSLY NEVER LET ME OUT OF THE HOUSE LOOKING LIKE THIS. When I wear it, on my Fridays off, I walk confidently through Home Depot and I'm pretty certain that everyone who smiles at me on the way past is thinking, "Oh, what a nice wife. She's running errands for her husband even though she looks tired after what was probably a long, crazy night of making him SUPER GLAD THAT HE MARRIED HER and now she's shopping for him while he makes her brunch before they spend the afternoon ALSO MAKING HIM SUPER GLAD THAT HE MARRIED HER!"


Yep. That's what everyone is thinking. My fake wedding ring makes me stand taller, look people in the eye, and wink pleasantly at everyone who walks past me in the garden aisle. Without mascara, of course.