How I Decided To Become A Mother Someday (And Possibly A Felon)

I am going to get an Asian baby. I am saving up my pennies, and one of these days I'm just going to get one. Asian little girls are all that is right with the world, and as long as one is orphaned, obtaining her is the Lord's Work, obv. So far my scouting efforts will be concentrated on Chinatown, San Francisco, where there has got to be some beautiful little creature being raised by angry lesbians. Since it is a fact well-established that one mother is gentler than two, and since it would be a clear battle of good vs. evil, I think that God would allow the kidnapping without the usual moral ambiguity of peacetime questions about lying under oath, impersonating a law enforcement officer, and rendering unto Caesar what is Caesar's. If you spot a little Asian girl, preferably between one and two years old and surrounded by pretentious communists, please put me on notice. Who doesn't want to be the formidable white mother of a darling child who is genetically inclined to be skinny, brilliant, and very short? Like I said, I'm saving my pennies.